Daisee Chain CELERITER VADENDUM, ACRITER SAGITTANDUM

"What are you doing to those sensors?"

"Realigning them. They are malfunctioning."

"What makes you think so?"

"They are trying to tell me that the planet down there is populated entirely with shrimp."

"Maybe it is?"

"Vila. It's late and I'm tired. I am in no mood for frivolities."

"Right." Vila concentrated on the viewscreen, which currently displayed a suspiciously pink planet. "But what if it really is?"

"A world populated entirely with shrimp is evolutionarily unlikely."

"So is us being friends. Still happened." He pronounced his 'us' with a z, just to annoy Avon, who shot him a glare. They both knew he was perfectly capable of received pronunciation when he felt like it.

The image on the viewscreen changed to something slightly more extraordinary. Vila's eyes widened in surprise, laced with a little greed.

"Avon!"

Avon barely glanced at him. "What is it now?"

"Look!"

Avon put down his tools and turned with great sufferance toward the shrimp planet - which had now been replaced with a planet entirely covered with what looked like gold. He frowned. That couldn't be right. He checked the sensors again. Now they also said it was gold. His eyebrows flattened out in irritation. It looked like the entire sensor network was riddled with bugs. He might just have to rebuild it completely. The light in the cabin changed, and he looked up in time to see the gold planet morph slowly into a revolting shade of mauve, with what looked like several large storms raging across the atmosphere. Something clearly wasn't right here.

"Maybe we should investigate in person."

"Go down there? Are you mad? Never mind. Don't answer that."

"It would help me to understand the flaw in the sensor network if I could see the planet with my own eyes."

"I thought your computers were foolproof. Just like you."

"Very amusing, Vila. Get suited up."

"Couldn't I just operate the teleport?"

"Not if I want to be sure of returning to the ship. Dayna will operate the controls."

Sometime later, Dayna did as she was told, and brought Avon and Vila back to Scorpio, although she dawdled over the task more than was strictly necessary. She was still angry with Avon for revealing Tarrant's indiscretion. It would have served Avon right if she'd left him on the surface of the planet, but she had to admit that Vila was useful when he put his mind to it. No sense in wasting a perfectly handy thief.

She looked at the teleport bay and stifled laughter. Both men were covered in what could only be custard. Avon was livid. She watched wide eyed, and with her hand covering her mouth, as he genteely removed yellow cream from his ears, with an expression of intense disdain.

"What happened?" She got out once she was sure she wouldn't laugh out loud.

Avon sighed. Vila looked at him questioningly, and when no response was forthcoming, answered for him.

"Catalogue."

Dayna blinked. "What?"

"It is a planetary catalogue," Avon ground out, "for a company by the name of Magrathea. Apparently they design and build custom made planets."

Dayna didn't quite know what to say. The bridge fell into almost silent contemplation, apart from a slight squelching noise from Avon as he attempted to remove custard from his tunic collar.

"So. No malfunctioning sensors then?"

"Apparently not."

"So what now?"

"Now, we leave."

Vila was aghast. "Leave? Just leave? When there's whole planet out there that might get covered with gold again any minute now?"

"Vila, we have no idea how many planets they have in their brochure. Do you really want to be around when it suddenly turns into a volatile gas giant?"

There was more slightly squelchy quietude while they all pondered the outcome of that.

"No. Not really." Vila eventually answered.

"Well then. We are leaving. Dayna? Take us away from here."

"Where to?"

"I do not care. Anywhere without custard will do."

And with that he departed the bridge, with as much grace and dignity as a leather outfit filled with custard would allow.